To Love, and be Loved

1. Chase surprised me at my doctors appointment today.

2. Bliss' heart is still beating.

3. I got me some in-n-out. aka heaven on earth. 

Pregnancy is so surreal. Like you're pregnant, you know that there is a baby there, you know that you are now a mother, but you haven't even met your baby yet. The capacity to love a child you don't even know is crazy. And that love just grows and grows and grows from the moment you meet your sweet little one.

I have my moments where I'll randomly get sad about everything that's going on. These moments most commonly happen when I'm alone in the car, driving home from work. The other day I got really emotional at the thought that Bliss will never really get the chance to feel loved. And of course, I bawled after thinking that. 

I love Bliss, I love her with my whole heart, but only as much as I know how to without her physically here. Because like I said, a mother's love grows with the child. But Bliss wont be able to experience that feeling of being loved for very long, or maybe even at all. And that thought hurts my heart like none other.

The other day as I was browsing Facebook, I came across some pictures that I absolutely loved. They were from a project page called "The Least of These." These pictures portray Christ's love for Heavenly Father's little children, especially the special ones. 

When I saw these photos, I reflected back on my thought of Bliss missing out on feeling loved. I half laughed, half cried. It was so silly to me to think that she wouldn't be able to experience the greatest emotion possible. Our Savior loves my Bliss. He loves all of the special children! Christ will get to love Bliss while she is with him in heaven. It's like he's taking care of that part of the job for me. 

I have been thinking of ways that I can show Bliss that I love her even when she's not here. I'm excited to celebrate her birthday every year. I want those days to be ones that are full of adventure and family bonding, days where it feels like she's right there with us. I'm excited to strive to be my best self, someone who she thinks of as a good example. I'm excited to continue to raise my family in the gospel. I think that by doing my best, and being the best mom I can be will show Bliss that I love her; that I am doing my best to make sure that we can all be a forever family together in heaven.

I know that years from now, days will go by where Bliss doesn't cross my mind. I fear those days. I am only human, and I know that Bliss knows that. But my goal is to get to be with her in heaven, and to be able to physically love her. I'm so thankful to know that I have a Savior who will be with my child up in heaven. I'm thankful that our Savior loves unconditionally, and loves whole heartily. I'm thankful that we, as humans, get to feel that love, and we are able to love those around us.