My Saving Grace
1. I got myself a drink from Swig today, my fav.
2. Camden and I spent the day together.
3. My work week is over, happy day!
All of my life I've always thought to myself, "I can do hard things." When I was a senior in high school I hiked the grand canyon rim to rim in one day, 25 miles with 4460 feet of elevation change. At that point in my life, this hike was the hardest thing I had ever done. When I was 19, I married the greatest man in the world. Any married person knows that marriage is wonderful, but also a very big challenge. You and your spouse are learning how to work as a team and become one; it can be a major challenge. That was a hard transition. After a short 6 months of marriage, I became a mom. I love being a mother and wouldn't change it for the world, but boy, it is HARD. Each day is full of adventure, love, tantrums, fits and laughter. Sometimes it ends with a screaming child being put to bed, and a mom closing the door and thinking, "I made it." Motherhood is tough job, and yet the most rewarding. But now, I am faced with the hardest thing that I've ever had to endure-- knowing I am going to loose a baby.
I have never looked at this hardship as something that is unfair. In fact, I am thankful for this opportunity. Obviously not because I am loosing a child, but because of the amount of my spiritual growth that has already taken place. Because of my realization that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
This wasn't always at the forefront of my mind. I haven't always given glory to my Savior when I should have. But I have learned that my knowledge of Christ, and his incredible gospel, has become my saving grace.
It's interesting how a certain part of ones testimony grows based on their specific situation or experience. I have a strong testimony of the Atonement, in the sense of repentance, because of mistakes I have made in the past. I have grown to love my Savior more as I've had to rely on this infinite atonement. I will always cherish the quote by elder Jeffrey R. Holland that states,
"However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made, or talents you think you don't have, or however far from home, family, and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's atonement shines."
This quote really got me through some hard times, and it helped me to truly understand my Savior's love for me. Now, a different part of my testimony on this same topic of the Atonement is being strengthened. When Christ was suffering in the garden of Gethsemane, he bore every single ounce of pain and suffering each of us would ever feel. He has already felt the sorrow that I have been feeling. He knows how much my heart hurts. The knowledge I have of the Atonement comforts me. When I lay in bed, with an aching heart and tear stained cheeks, I can feel my Savior's love stronger than ever. It's as if he is there with me saying, "I know how you feel, I know how much you hurt, I have felt your pains and I am here to help you through this." I can not imagine going through something like this alone. Yes, I have my wonderful husband who is always there for me, but he does not know exactly what I am going through, and I can't know exactly what he is going through. But Christ knows. He felt it. And that brings such comfort to me. Knowing I am not alone during this hard time.
I have always had a testimony of the plan of salvation. I know that there is life after death, and I know that families are able to be together forever. I never knew how much I truly appreciated this knowledge until I found out that my child was going to die. I know that my sweet little Bliss will be in heaven, cheering me on day after day. Of course I want to get back to heaven to be with my Heavenly parents and my Savior, Jesus Christ, but knowing that I have a daughter in heaven who is watching me, makes me want to ensure my return to her even more. I want to be someone she is proud to call mom.
Because of this "hard thing," my testimony has been strengthened. I know my Savior is with me every step of the way. I know that I will get to see my little girl someday. I am thankful that this "hard thing" has made my prayers far more personal and fervent. I am thankful that this "hard thing" has increased my desire to be a better person. I am thankful for my ever growing testimony. I know that I would be lost without my knowledge of the gospel.
2. Camden and I spent the day together.
3. My work week is over, happy day!
All of my life I've always thought to myself, "I can do hard things." When I was a senior in high school I hiked the grand canyon rim to rim in one day, 25 miles with 4460 feet of elevation change. At that point in my life, this hike was the hardest thing I had ever done. When I was 19, I married the greatest man in the world. Any married person knows that marriage is wonderful, but also a very big challenge. You and your spouse are learning how to work as a team and become one; it can be a major challenge. That was a hard transition. After a short 6 months of marriage, I became a mom. I love being a mother and wouldn't change it for the world, but boy, it is HARD. Each day is full of adventure, love, tantrums, fits and laughter. Sometimes it ends with a screaming child being put to bed, and a mom closing the door and thinking, "I made it." Motherhood is tough job, and yet the most rewarding. But now, I am faced with the hardest thing that I've ever had to endure-- knowing I am going to loose a baby.
I have never looked at this hardship as something that is unfair. In fact, I am thankful for this opportunity. Obviously not because I am loosing a child, but because of the amount of my spiritual growth that has already taken place. Because of my realization that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
This wasn't always at the forefront of my mind. I haven't always given glory to my Savior when I should have. But I have learned that my knowledge of Christ, and his incredible gospel, has become my saving grace.
It's interesting how a certain part of ones testimony grows based on their specific situation or experience. I have a strong testimony of the Atonement, in the sense of repentance, because of mistakes I have made in the past. I have grown to love my Savior more as I've had to rely on this infinite atonement. I will always cherish the quote by elder Jeffrey R. Holland that states,
"However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made, or talents you think you don't have, or however far from home, family, and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's atonement shines."
This quote really got me through some hard times, and it helped me to truly understand my Savior's love for me. Now, a different part of my testimony on this same topic of the Atonement is being strengthened. When Christ was suffering in the garden of Gethsemane, he bore every single ounce of pain and suffering each of us would ever feel. He has already felt the sorrow that I have been feeling. He knows how much my heart hurts. The knowledge I have of the Atonement comforts me. When I lay in bed, with an aching heart and tear stained cheeks, I can feel my Savior's love stronger than ever. It's as if he is there with me saying, "I know how you feel, I know how much you hurt, I have felt your pains and I am here to help you through this." I can not imagine going through something like this alone. Yes, I have my wonderful husband who is always there for me, but he does not know exactly what I am going through, and I can't know exactly what he is going through. But Christ knows. He felt it. And that brings such comfort to me. Knowing I am not alone during this hard time.
I have always had a testimony of the plan of salvation. I know that there is life after death, and I know that families are able to be together forever. I never knew how much I truly appreciated this knowledge until I found out that my child was going to die. I know that my sweet little Bliss will be in heaven, cheering me on day after day. Of course I want to get back to heaven to be with my Heavenly parents and my Savior, Jesus Christ, but knowing that I have a daughter in heaven who is watching me, makes me want to ensure my return to her even more. I want to be someone she is proud to call mom.
Because of this "hard thing," my testimony has been strengthened. I know my Savior is with me every step of the way. I know that I will get to see my little girl someday. I am thankful that this "hard thing" has made my prayers far more personal and fervent. I am thankful that this "hard thing" has increased my desire to be a better person. I am thankful for my ever growing testimony. I know that I would be lost without my knowledge of the gospel.
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